Working through Marital Conflicts: Do Women Hold the Key?

A recent study shows that after marital disagreements, it's more important for the wives to calm down than husbands.

"When it comes to managing negative emotion during conflict, wives really matter," psychologist Lian Bloch, lead author of the study, which she conducted during doctoral and postdoctoral studies at Berkeley and Stanford. She is also currently an assistant professor at the Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto, Calif. said, via a press release.

Bloch and researchers from Berkely and Northwestern University analyzed videotaped interactions from more than 80 middle-aged and older heterosexual couples who focused on how they recovered following heated arguments. The researchers found that wives who were able to calm down quickest showed happier couples in both short and long term instances.

"Emotions such as anger and contempt can seem very threatening for couples. But our study suggests that if spouses, especially wives, are able to calm themselves, their marriages can continue to thrive," Bloch said, via the release.

This research shows a link between a wife's ability to control emotions and higher marital satisfaction shown via "constructive communication" during disagreements.

"When wives discuss problems and suggest solutions, it helps couples deal with conflicts," said UC Berkeley psychologist Robert  Levenson, senior author of the study. "Ironically, this may not work so well for husbands, who wives often criticize for leaping into problem-solving mode too quickly."

Coauthor of the study and an assistant professor of human development and social policy at Northwestern, Claudia Haase, notes that age may also play a role in how couples interact when conflict arises.

"The middle-aged and older couples in our study grew up in a world that treated men and women very differently," she said. "It will be interesting to see how these gender dynamics play out in younger couples."

What do you think?

More information regarding the study can be found via the journal Emotion.